how to be sad

as an artist i feel a strange pressure to turn my misery into art.

there's this narrative that an artists best work comes out of their darkest moments. and i guess there's some truth to that - happiness is almost never as penetrable an emotion as sadness. it's easier to communicate your heaviest emotions than it is to convey the lightest ones.

but i don't want to have to suffer to create something beautiful. i want my art to come from a healthy place. but never mind that - i don't think i'm even capable of creating anything when i'm sad. being sad is destroying, not creating. i don't understand how people can be so creative and inspired even with the weight of the world on their chest. i feel like i need to be like that, too. to monetize this loneliness somehow. turn my skin inside out so the world can call it beautiful.

why let yourself be sad if it's not going to contribute to your art? if nothing comes out of it, it's a worthless emotion. as an artist, to be sad without inspiration is to be useless.

but anyways!

i didn't mean for my first real blog post to be a depressing one... but that's just how the cookie crumbled i fear. i'm feeling introspective and having thoughts. SUE ME!